BEING A GOOD DOG IS HARD

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:


I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither is Momi's lap.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Momi's driver's license and registeration.

I will not play tug-of-war with Momi's underwear when she's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with her and she makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.